Tuesday, May 20, 2008

What you don't know.....Can and will hurt you!

> > Cyclists are the biggest sandbaggers and secret trainers around. > > They'll say anything to soften you up for the kill. Don't let this > > happen to you. Study this handy rider's phrasebook to find out what > > they really mean when they say:> > > > "I'm out of shape"> > > > Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since > > the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than > > you wash your shorts. My body fat percentage is lower than your > > mortgage rate.> > > > "I'm not into competition. I'm just riding to stay in shape"> > > > Translation: I will attack until you collapse in the gutter, > > babbling and whimpering. I will win the line sprint if I have to > > force you into oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first if I > > have to grab your seat post, and spray energy drink in your eyes.> > > > "I'm on my beater bike"> > > > Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using titanium > > blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. > > It weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce.> > > > "It's not that hilly"> > > > Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. > > Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward. You > > have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.> > > > "You're doing great, honey"> > > > Translation: Yo, lard ass, I'd like to get home before midnight. > > This is what you get for spending the winter decorating and eating > > chocolate. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 racer when I had the > > chance.> > > > "This is a no-drop ride"> > > > Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing for the > > search-and-rescue dogs.> > > > "It's not that far"> > > > Translation: Bring your passport

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